Nation’s Birds Sue Drones for Airspace Violation and Cultural Appropriation
- thepoofstandard
- Jun 20
- 2 min read
PORTLAND, OR — In a landmark legal filing at the International Court of Non-Human Affairs, a coalition of North American birds has launched a class-action lawsuit against drones, accusing them of airspace violation, mimicry without consent, and what their avian legal team calls “egregious acts of cultural appropriation.”
“For centuries, we birds have owned the sky,” declared a furious spokesperson for the avian alliance, a red-tailed hawk named Gary. “Then came these beeping, flapping imposters with no soul, no feathers, and zero respect for migratory law.”
The birds’ legal team, led by a famously aggressive Canadian goose named Ms. Honkowitz, cited over 1,400 recorded incidents of “creepy hovering,” “intrusive buzzing,” and “stealing thunder during sunset flights.”
Allegations Include:
Drones mocking mating rituals by doing weird spins above lakes
Surveillance drones violating nesting privacy, causing baby birds to grow up camera-shy
Amazon delivery drones crashing into branches, then pretending it didn’t happen
“They don’t even flap properly,” said an indignant owl. “And don’t get me started on their awful mid-air posture.”
The Airspace Defense Act
Bird lobbyists have proposed new regulations under the Airspace Defense & Feathered Sovereignty Act (ADFSA), which would:
Establish “No Drone Zones” around bird baths, feeder stations, and emotionally sensitive sky routes
Require drones to wear visible identification (such as comically small vests reading “NOT A BIRD”)
Fund a rehabilitation program for pigeons traumatized by drone photobombing
Tech Industry Responds
Drone manufacturers say they’re “open to dialogue,” but one unnamed tech executive questioned the birds' standing:
“They don’t pay taxes, they poop on Teslas, and now they want civil rights?”
The statement sparked immediate backlash. A flock of crows responded by dive-bombing the executive’s patio brunch.
Public Opinion
Polling shows most Americans support the birds, especially after a bald eagle gave a stirring courtroom testimony that ended in a single majestic tear.
As the lawsuit heads to trial, one parakeet summed it up best on BirdTok:
“First they took our skies. Next, they’ll want our worms.”
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